during my senior year of high school i read the short story, a rose for emily, by william faulker, in my ap lit class. its a story about this woman whose lover dies and she never gets rid of his body. just keeps it in a secret room where she has him dressed in a nightshirt. of course this is not discovered until after emily dies and the townspeople visit her house. they discover all of his belongings and his body lying on the bed where next to him is a pillow which includes a dent the size of a head and a gray hair on the pillow. this implies that emily would often lay next to his body just to be near him.
tonight i was able to be near my dad, i visited his grave. i laid down beside it and talked to him. i told him that i missed him and wished he were still here. and i asked if what he would tell me if he could tell me anything now. as i have stated earlier, im having a hard time moving on. i asked him to grant me permission to move on if that is what he wants. i know that is what he will want. he would not want me to hold back on account of him. dad’s brother died while he was in college, and dad moved on. i know he would want me to.
anyways, tonight as i left the grave i was reminded of the last time i actually was in my fathers presence. it was the night of the viewing, before his funeral. i was alone with him, well him and most of my closest and sweetest friends were with me too. and i talked to his dead body and thanked him for being my dad. i thanked him for sacrificing so much so my life could be normal. i prayed and told him that one day soon i would be joining him in heaven, that this was just a waiting period before we were reunited again. and then i left the room. and never looked at my dads body again.
i totally understand why emily never got rid of her lovers body. she still had him with her. she was able to hug, hold, look at, and touch his body. i miss being able to do that with my dad. i miss his smell and his laugh. i miss his wisdom and insight into things. sometimes im just jealous that emily still got his body, got to be near him, got to touch him.
im gonna be reunited with my dad. it wont be this side of heaven. but i will see him again, when jesus comes back.
and so now we celebrate christmas, the coming of christ for the first time. we celebrate his coming so that we can now have hope in the midst of deep darkness, that sin and oppression will not win. christ really did come, and he is coming again. and i long to look forward to that day…
