in college i shared a suite with a girl who struggles with seasonal depression. i remember wondering what exactly is it about the weather/time of year that triggers something in you to be depressed. i really didnt understand…
turns out i would not be in the dark about seasonal depression for very long. that i too would begin my own bout of struggling with seasonal depression.
i hate february. i hate valentines day.
my dad died on valentines day, 2009. so three days ago it had been one year. one year. one whole year.
about two weeks ago something in me snapped, like a light switched on. enter seasonal depression. i cant shake it off. im really down/sad/somber about missing my dad.
its been a year, i feel should be over it. that i should fine now. honestly a month ago i was honestly doing ok. but then something just came over me, like this dark miserable cloud. i wish it would go away, but its not. they say the first anniversary is hard. why is it so hard? its just a normal day. except in the back of mind im reminded that this time last year was dad’s viewing at the funeral home.
ahh…i lived through this. seems like such a daze. my dad really died. hes not coming back. not until christ comes back.
i feel like such a baby that is pitching a fit. i want my dad back! i want to talk to him!
and i just wish that gods character would be enough to carry me through this. and it is enough. but some days im so stuck on my own stuff and my own self its all i can think through. i wish i didnt define or comphrend god according to my own terms.
anyone got any advice on dealing with this? im open to suggestions…
